Well, it’s time to pin a bib on my shorts again. Somehow I’m dreading it as though I didn’t go and excitedly put in my credit card information when signing up for this some four months ago. Yet here I am, a roller coaster of mixed emotions.

I feel as though time has passed by too quickly, wishing that I could have a redo, jump back to April, when I thought running Leadville 100 would be a good idea. Lets be honest, when is running a hundred miles ever a good idea?! Flashes of the last year come back and I think perhaps I had the best intentions with this race, however it didn’t quite pan out. Sometimes having good intentions doesn’t suffice, the real world comes along to slap on your seat belt and tell you we are actually in for a bumpy ride. Bumpy in my terms would be moving to a new state twice, renovating a house, family deaths due to COVID, navigating unemployment, witnessing my savings dwindling at a record breaking speed, having several interviews with as many let downs, as well as trying to be kind to myself; my partner Eamon and my two dogs Juniper and Aspen. The stressors seemed endless and Leadville was pushed far, far, FAR back in my mind. I never wanted to think about training, rather, when I had the opportunity to run, I used it as a chance to forget my troubles, have fun and destress.

Last month I was able to toe a starting line after a year and a half hiatus. I was partially excited and partially filled with regret. I hadn’t trained the way I wanted to and ended up spending my peak week sick with a head cold. I convinced myself I wouldn’t push it, I’d hate to end up injured mid way through the summer. I think not psyching myself out was one of the main reasons I performed so well all while having a blast. I kept the shuffle consistent while making friends with other racers and felt as though I finished strong.

Now, I just need to mimic that for Leadville. Tushars is 3k feet of climbing shy and about 57 miles less than the Leadville course, meaning there’s a lot MORE RUNNING INVOLVED.

Who runs 100 miles?

What did I sign up for?

To be transparent I didn’t quite know what I signed up for until I was on the phone with a friend the week of the race and he was asking questions about the course. I think I prefer going into races a bit oblivious due to my overthinking mind, it tends to work out better that way.

Since moving from Los Angeles to Bend and now Boulder, I haven’t spoken much about running or training because I felt, as of late, that I have no real input on the matter. My feelings toward training and racing hasn’t been super positive and really I’ve felt more like an impostor than anything. I’ve been running for about two decades yet I never truly feel like a runner- what does that actually feel like? Really, I have no idea.

I find myself having these debates in my mind on whether I consider myself a runner, and living in Bend my negative self always won. It wasn’t until we moved to Boulder (I don’t know why I move to places I’ve never visited- but here I am) that I feel that my positive self is coming out more. It does help that we are no longer renovating a house all day everyday for 7 months straight and now have more time to spend outdoors.

Mindset

/ˈmīn(d)set/

The driving force in the quest for success and achievement. A mindset that combines discipline, strength, confidence and ambition is a powerful mindset. This can achieve anything it sets its sights on.

Needless to say, going into Leadville, I’ve packed a very large bag full of mixed emotions, a pair of running shoes and a few gu’s. By no means am I writing all this to complain or to vent. But as a reminder that we don’t always go into races in peak physical fitness. In most cases, at least for me, life has a way of weeding it’s way into my training goals and setting up road blocks. To me that is all part of racing, overcoming those barriers and coming out stronger. I look at my time at Tushars and I wasn’t where I wanted to be in my training, far from it, but I had a positive attitude going into the race and had zero expectations on the outcome. I find that when training does go right, you end up walking a fine line between great and over training. Although I may not have quite the positive outlook as I did during Tushars, I know that I’d rather be slightly under trained than over trained. I’ve had my fair share of injuries and it’s not fun and mentally very unhealthy place for me.

As much as there are stressors in my life; sure financial stressors can be a heavy load, I have so many great things on the horizon. After several months of navigating the world of unemployment, learning new skills, gaining new certificates to add to the old resume, this past few weeks I’ve spent having multiple interviews and landed a few job offers. A very nice position to be in but stressful nonetheless, in the end I accepted a position with Hydrapak as their digital specialist and start the Monday after Leadville. Tapering isn’t really the way I’d like to spend my final week of unemployment (I miss the Sierra!!). Starting this new position that I am thrilled about is just another reason not to go out too hard at Leadville, not that I would even try, nor capable of it, I don’t want to be limping and/or crawling to my desk on the my very first day.

There are a lot of fun and positive things happening this next week and sure, running 100 miles can be part of it. I need to let go of the dread I feel at the pit of my stomach and accept that I’m going into a race under trained. This will be an opportunity to experience a different racing tactic, you know, to just have fun and survive with as little battle wounds as possible. I don’t have a goal other than to finish and at that finish line I’d like a coffee (CAFFEINE PLEASE) and a beer in hand; two things I’ve given up these last few months in order to have a successful sub 24 hours at Leadville. Wait, I said no goals didn’t I. Whoops.

If you read my previous blog post, I gave up caffeine during Hardrock weekend after getting a head cold and I stopped drinking alcohol in July because, well, I tend to not drink enough water. I’m at that point where I’d rather be properly rested and hydrated going into Leadville and I pray that I don’t fall asleep running during the night again. (Yes, it’s happened before see Fatdog 120 and Javelina 100).

I hope you thoroughly enjoyed my word vomit of all the feels I have going into the race. Running 100 miles isn’t easy, far from it, but sometimes the race is the easiest part when you take into account the countless days, weeks, months that go into the planning, over analyzing, and sometimes training for that same single event. Although I do have a bag of mixed emotions, it doesn’t overshadow the excitement I have to see all the friends that I haven’t seen in a year plus. If anything, my goal is to be overwhelmingly happy pre, during and post race because I’ve missed all you like minded souls TOO MUCH!

As I sit in our living room full of still packed boxes waiting to be moved yet again to a new location in a few short weeks, an energetic puppy finally tired out laying across my feet and a sweet Juniper sleeping ontop of all the chew toys she doesn’t want Aspen to have, I can’t help but feel a sense of appreciation of the journey I’ve been on. Despite all the speed bumps and work zones, this ride called life is nothing short of amazing.

Tushars 70k recap in the works!

Till next time,

Peace, love, happiness… and dogs