To live or to exist... That is the question

It was a rather windy morning.
One that I had every intention of staying in bed for. Alas! I had made the attempt- I scolded myself "Sawna SLEEP IN!".
But my subconscious is a stubborn one that I can not force my wishes upon.
Becuase deep...
Down..
Inside...

I want to get up. I want to be active. I want to enjoy my morning.
I don't want to waste this day.

As I stumbled, feet flopping, baby hairs-a-blowin, watchless, sun beaming, I finally arrive at my destination.
A 2 mile run, rather a journey, up Bronson Canyon to Griffith Park.

Of late- I have done this run as a sprint, a total of 4 miles and normally call it a day. And although I felt more on the lax side- fall season was in the air and the trails were calling my name.

Wind blowing rather fearlessly, I run toward the dirt storm that overtook the small vacant Griffith Park Bronson Canyon entrance. With only eating a small handful of dirt, I begin my quest up the canyon.

Today, I decided, I would not attempt to run but rather hike.
Enjoy the weather, enjoy the view and reflect.

Reflect on your day, your week, your month- choices that were made that put you where you are at that very moment in time.

I walked into, almost quite literally, a older gentleman.
One that frequent the trail and that I recognize only by running past him as he makes his trek up the canyon with his two beautiful golden retrievers.

This time, we converse. We are both taken back by the weather and the insane feeling of fall when never does it quite feel like it in this city.

Somehow, someway- the discussion of living life to the fullest is our topic.

His question being- do you consider yourself living rather than existing.
It's a question I find myself asking more often now than before. I see how time permits a being to have the option of living or existing and I wonder if I fall on the ladder side.

We discuss actions we take or not take, journeys we permit ourselves to make, and decisions we have yet to encounter. It became a deep conversation so fast at almost seven in the morning. My argument, for myself is although at certain points in my life I have witnessed time passing without notice and myself merely existing without fail. However, I believe since my dad's diagnosis I have made an effort to alter that habit.

To choose to live.
To choose to make every day count.

I am aware I talk about this often, however, I think that day I chose to live was the day I signed up with Team in Training. Doing that showed me there is happiness out there I knew not of.
Happiness that I would plant and watch grow over the years.
Happiness that would change the days to come.
Happiness that made me want to LIVE.

My happiness has only grown. I look at others and at times I can not comprehend how they can miss this opportunity. However, happiness is found in different places for others.

This, I know, is where I can live.

I have grown, I have evolved into the person I am today because of this collection of cancer killers. This group I call my dear friends.
This time last year I signed up for my first Ultra season. To run 50 kilometers turned into running 50 miles and you know what! I LOVED IT!

I signed up for my second year, and not only that but my first 100 mile endurance run.
And that's what I call living.

I look forward to this season of Ultra team because it will be the best yet! "Coach Sawna" sounds nice and I'll do my best as one of the assistant Coaches to ensure that every member receives the same experience if not better than what I had encountered this past year.

As for the rest of the year, OH you watch out- I plan on living it to the fullest! Training for AC100, as well as the 50 milers, 50ks as well as century rides beforehand.
I look forward to the lessons I will learn, the experiences I will partake in, the memories I will one day cherish.


Call me crazy, but I call it living.
Pure.
Happiness.
Is what I find out there in those mountains.

Seek and you shall find.

That, dear frequent Griffith Park Bronson Canyon Trail hiker, is my answer.

My question to you...
What makes you want to live, what makes you happy?


Till next time,
Peace, love and HAPPINESS