Get a glimpse into the journey of preparing for the Hardrock 100, with 102 days to go. Explore the mix of excitement and nerves, and the dedication to training, including adding strength workouts and enlisting a coach. Join me in as I attempt to share the candid exploration of the highs and lows of training, highlighting the importance of community and self-expression.
Life is a journey filled with unexpected twists and turns, and sometimes, it takes us to places where we least expect to find ourselves. As a mountain runner and outdoor enthusiast, I've experienced my fair share of physical challenges, but there's one hurdle that proved to be even more daunting—the struggle to find inspiration and authenticity in my own identity. Join me on this rollercoaster ride as I share my story of moving from place to place, searching for purpose, and finally finding solace and inspiration in the most unexpected of places—back home in LaLa Land.
Griffith Park 📷: @thehilaryann
Life can be unpredictable, and sometimes it feels like we're running without a destination in sight. My journey into the unknown began with a bold move—leaving my 32-year home for Bend, Oregon, amidst the pandemic's peak. Jobless and friendless, I faced the daunting task of rebuilding my life in what I thought was my dream living location. As a runner, I grappled with self-doubt and struggled to articulate my feelings in these trying times. Bend found me at a low point, with unemployment, far from loved ones, and the loss of a family member to Covid, I was beyond sad. Doubts about my move were frequent. But as our house renovations slowly transformed into a reality, I knew this chapter was coming to a close, and a bright new one was waiting to be written.
With Eamon's new job and my hope for a fresh start beyond what felt like a depressive state, we set our sights on Boulder, Colorado—a city renowned for its lively outdoor community and seriously fast athletes. Surrounded by the jawdropping vista that is the flatirons, I expected to find my way, but I still felt lost. Now, trapped in a toxic workplace and lacking deep friendships, and no real motivation to be proactive in the friend making department, I longed to rediscover the Sawna I was when I was in LA. I craved authenticity, to embody the titles of "runner" and "athlete" genuinely. Strangely, the more I sought purpose, the more it seemed to slip through my fingers.
After two years of constant movement, we finally found our way back to the City of Angels—Los Angeles. After a few months of navigating the tremulous housing market and the stress that came with it, It was here that I discovered a newfound sense of balance and belonging. The familiar sights, sounds, and energy of the city breathed life into my spirit. As I navigated the bustling streets, I realized that sometimes, we have to leave home to truly appreciate what it means to belong.
Inspiration Point 📷: @thehilaryann
In the midst of the chaos that is LA, I began to reconnect with my love for running by running all my favorite local trails. These surprisingly technical dirt paths provided a sanctuary where I could reconnect with my passion and rediscover my authenticity. It wasn't about running ultras or competing with others; it was about the joy of putting one foot in front of the other, feeling the wind on my face, smelling the sweet smell of Spanish Broom (I know, I know, it’s invasive- but it smells SO GOOD) and immersing myself in the beauty of nature. And yes, it may shock you, but LA has some beautiful trails and, gasp, nature too.
It does snow in LA 📷: @thehilaryann
Finding my way back home allowed me to find a sense of peace and belonging that had eluded me for so long. Home became more than just a physical place—it became a state of mind. It was a realization that true inspiration and authenticity come from within, and it's the sum of our experiences that shape us into the athletes and individuals we aspire to be.
Buying a house in LA was MADNESS but never thought I’d call Altadena home sweet home.
Life's journey often takes us on unexpected detours, challenging our sense of identity and purpose. As a mountain runner and outdoor enthusiast, my search for authenticity led me to new places and experiences. Through it all, I discovered that true inspiration comes from within and that sometimes, we need to return to our roots to find our true selves. So, embrace the journey, explore the unknown, and remember that sometimes the greatest adventure lies in finding your way back home.
“Sunny days wouldn’t be so special if it wasn’t for rain. Joy wouldn’t feel so good if it wasn’t for pain.”
Well, it’s time to pin a bib on my shorts again. Somehow I’m dreading it as though I didn’t go and excitedly put in my credit card information when signing up for this some four months ago. Yet here I am, a roller coaster of mixed emotions.
I feel as though time has passed by too quickly, wishing that I could have a redo, jump back to April, when I thought running Leadville 100 would be a good idea. Lets be honest, when is running a hundred miles ever a good idea?! Flashes of the last year come back and I think perhaps I had the best intentions with this race, however it didn’t quite pan out. Sometimes having good intentions doesn’t suffice, the real world comes along to slap on your seat belt and tell you we are actually in for a bumpy ride. Bumpy in my terms would be moving to a new state twice, renovating a house, family deaths due to COVID, navigating unemployment, witnessing my savings dwindling at a record breaking speed, having several interviews with as many let downs, as well as trying to be kind to myself; my partner Eamon and my two dogs Juniper and Aspen. The stressors seemed endless and Leadville was pushed far, far, FAR back in my mind. I never wanted to think about training, rather, when I had the opportunity to run, I used it as a chance to forget my troubles, have fun and destress.
Last month I was able to toe a starting line after a year and a half hiatus. I was partially excited and partially filled with regret. I hadn’t trained the way I wanted to and ended up spending my peak week sick with a head cold. I convinced myself I wouldn’t push it, I’d hate to end up injured mid way through the summer. I think not psyching myself out was one of the main reasons I performed so well all while having a blast. I kept the shuffle consistent while making friends with other racers and felt as though I finished strong.
Now, I just need to mimic that for Leadville. Tushars is 3k feet of climbing shy and about 57 miles less than the Leadville course, meaning there’s a lot MORE RUNNING INVOLVED.
Who runs 100 miles?
What did I sign up for?
To be transparent I didn’t quite know what I signed up for until I was on the phone with a friend the week of the race and he was asking questions about the course. I think I prefer going into races a bit oblivious due to my overthinking mind, it tends to work out better that way.
Since moving from Los Angeles to Bend and now Boulder, I haven’t spoken much about running or training because I felt, as of late, that I have no real input on the matter. My feelings toward training and racing hasn’t been super positive and really I’ve felt more like an impostor than anything. I’ve been running for about two decades yet I never truly feel like a runner- what does that actually feel like? Really, I have no idea.
I find myself having these debates in my mind on whether I consider myself a runner, and living in Bend my negative self always won. It wasn’t until we moved to Boulder (I don’t know why I move to places I’ve never visited- but here I am) that I feel that my positive self is coming out more. It does help that we are no longer renovating a house all day everyday for 7 months straight and now have more time to spend outdoors.
Mindset
/ˈmīn(d)set/
The driving force in the quest for success and achievement. A mindset that combines discipline, strength, confidence and ambition is a powerful mindset. This can achieve anything it sets its sights on.
Needless to say, going into Leadville, I’ve packed a very large bag full of mixed emotions, a pair of running shoes and a few gu’s. By no means am I writing all this to complain or to vent. But as a reminder that we don’t always go into races in peak physical fitness. In most cases, at least for me, life has a way of weeding it’s way into my training goals and setting up road blocks. To me that is all part of racing, overcoming those barriers and coming out stronger. I look at my time at Tushars and I wasn’t where I wanted to be in my training, far from it, but I had a positive attitude going into the race and had zero expectations on the outcome. I find that when training does go right, you end up walking a fine line between great and over training. Although I may not have quite the positive outlook as I did during Tushars, I know that I’d rather be slightly under trained than over trained. I’ve had my fair share of injuries and it’s not fun and mentally very unhealthy place for me.
“The greatest discovery of all time a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.”
As much as there are stressors in my life; sure financial stressors can be a heavy load, I have so many great things on the horizon. After several months of navigating the world of unemployment, learning new skills, gaining new certificates to add to the old resume, this past few weeks I’ve spent having multiple interviews and landed a few job offers. A very nice position to be in but stressful nonetheless, in the end I accepted a position with Hydrapak as their digital specialist and start the Monday after Leadville. Tapering isn’t really the way I’d like to spend my final week of unemployment (I miss the Sierra!!). Starting this new position that I am thrilled about is just another reason not to go out too hard at Leadville, not that I would even try, nor capable of it, I don’t want to be limping and/or crawling to my desk on the my very first day.
There are a lot of fun and positive things happening this next week and sure, running 100 miles can be part of it. I need to let go of the dread I feel at the pit of my stomach and accept that I’m going into a race under trained. This will be an opportunity to experience a different racing tactic, you know, to just have fun and survive with as little battle wounds as possible. I don’t have a goal other than to finish and at that finish line I’d like a coffee (CAFFEINE PLEASE) and a beer in hand; two things I’ve given up these last few months in order to have a successful sub 24 hours at Leadville. Wait, I said no goals didn’t I. Whoops.
If you read my previous blog post, I gave up caffeine during Hardrock weekend after getting a head cold and I stopped drinking alcohol in July because, well, I tend to not drink enough water. I’m at that point where I’d rather be properly rested and hydrated going into Leadville and I pray that I don’t fall asleep running during the night again. (Yes, it’s happened before see Fatdog 120 and Javelina 100).
I hope you thoroughly enjoyed my word vomit of all the feels I have going into the race. Running 100 miles isn’t easy, far from it, but sometimes the race is the easiest part when you take into account the countless days, weeks, months that go into the planning, over analyzing, and sometimes training for that same single event. Although I do have a bag of mixed emotions, it doesn’t overshadow the excitement I have to see all the friends that I haven’t seen in a year plus. If anything, my goal is to be overwhelmingly happy pre, during and post race because I’ve missed all you like minded souls TOO MUCH!
As I sit in our living room full of still packed boxes waiting to be moved yet again to a new location in a few short weeks, an energetic puppy finally tired out laying across my feet and a sweet Juniper sleeping ontop of all the chew toys she doesn’t want Aspen to have, I can’t help but feel a sense of appreciation of the journey I’ve been on. Despite all the speed bumps and work zones, this ride called life is nothing short of amazing.
Tushars 70k recap in the works!
Till next time,
Peace, love, happiness… and dogs
I can’t believe I just typed those words but alas ‘tis true. In my effort to not fall asleep during my races this summer, I’ve decided to cut caffeine out of my diet. Let me tell you, I drink a lot of coffee, consume tons of caffeine daily- this decision was far from easy. Now, 10 days later I’m starting to believe I was slightly addicted. Coffee taste amazing, no doubt about that, but mostly I found that I really enjoyed the morning ritual of grinding, pouring and sipping my daily brew. I find now that I have a bit more free time in the morning and surprisingly more energy throughout the day instead of the usual afternoon crash.
In past races, Fatdog 120 and Cascade Crest 100 to be exact, I’ve found myself feeling overly vulnerable late at night, surpassing any point where caffeine would aid in any alertness. I have fallen asleep while running, standing, and a second into sitting on a log. That feeling, where you are unbearably tired to the point where it aches to keep you’re eyelids open isn’t something I’d like to repeat- yet I’m always so quick at ultrasignup race registrations.
My training has been less than ideal these last few months, between two dogs, moving to a different state and the stress of finding new employment, I’ve found little time and really not much enthusiasm in getting out and doing any sort of workouts. Moving from Bend to Boulder has definitely relit a spark of adventure and I plan to hold onto that excitement for as long as it lasts. Exploration has been my new side hustle and I look forward to adventuring around Colorado more.
This weekend I have the opportunity to explore the Tushar Mountain ranger while “running” Tushars 70k. The Tushar Mountains are located east of Beaver, Utah, about 190 miles south of Salt Lake City. Rising to over 12,000 feet in elevation, the Tushars are the third-highest mountain range in Utah. While I’m attempting my best to have fun during the race, Kelly and Howie will be running Ouray 100 and Tara will be running Highlonsome here in CO. Cheer them on virtually, in person, whatever you can to send some good vibes their way!
Many wonderful and terrible things have happened since my last post. Although there are probably close to two dozen half written posts on cue, I decided to put those aside for now and keep it lighthearted and casual. 2020 was filled with the most incredible adventures and yet heartbreak and death. I hope, for all of you, that 2021 has shown you more kindness than sorrow, adventure than staying static, hope rather than loss.
My rambling will now cease, now time to plan these adventures.
Peace, love and happiness,
Sawna
Photo by the incredible Hilary Matheson
“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”
Riding up to Crystal Lake with my dad in tow on the motorcycle. FYI the restaurant at the top that’s always open is, in fact, closed on Tuesday.
Taken about 5 or so years ago.
Its been almost seven weeks since my ankle rolled and I heard that ever so troubling POP one mile into a race in St George, UTAH. Since then I have been practicing my patience during its snails pace recovery. A couple weeks ago my ankle was healed enough to be able to start cycling again.
This isn’t my first rodeo, let me tell you, but it sure feels like it is.
My first cycling adventure was around the local neighborhood and as I was climbing up I felt as though I would just tip over from lack of momentum- I was slow, my heart was beating right through my chest and I almost choked on my buff covering my face as I was gasping for air and it was a mere ant hill. Since that initial wake up call I’ve been finding my groove again, taking it step by step.
Last week I began riding on the San Gabriel Riverbed again. Stumbling onto the entrance of the trail I was flooded with memories of the exact trail from over 10 years ago with my dad. We rode a ton back then as he was training to cycle his first century race in Lake Tahoe. I can’t tell you if I really enjoyed cycling back then but what I can tell you is that I really enjoyed sharing the miles with my dad. Those many- many moons ago I didn’t know of Strava- did it even exsist? I didn’t have a data collector gps Suunto watch on my wrist. All I had was my dad to tell me “We are going straight” and when I’d ask for how long his reply would be “Until I say it’s time to turn around”. I had no idea where we were going but I was always up for the ride.
Since stumbling onto the riverbed last week, I somehow convinced my dad to dust off the bike and share a few miles with me. After years of begging him, all it took was a few weeks of COVID-19 shelter in place with my mom and sisters to jump at the opportunity to get out of the house, mask included of course. We’ve ridden twice together so far and I couldn’t be more proud of his enthusiasm to get back on the saddle even on days that I do not ride with him- 75 years young and all. A couple of decades since first riding together, we spun down the San Gabriel riverbed once again. On our first ride we visited my Abuelito and said hello from a safe distance. My Abuelito will be turning 100 years young in less than two months and I can’t wait to be able to safely celebrate his birthday sometime soon-ish.
Patience.
Oh how I’ve practice my patience. After almost 7 weeks (this Saturday) of being off my foot(literally not being able to walk the first two weeks), I’m ready to get back to running. With first spraining my ankle and then the safer at home quarantine, I’ve been going quite stir crazy. The first couple of weeks were spent feeling rather helpless, not being able to do a simple task like walking Juniper or walk normal period. The pity party didn’t last too long and I began to seek out things I could manage until my foot regained mobility. Unfortunately feet stink, literally and figuratively. It’ll take time to build again using strength, mobility and balance exercises. I’m thankful to even have a bike to ride! My road bike was my dad’s old bike he gave to me when I was 18, and I also have a somewhat new gravel bike. Cycling is expensive, no doubt, but thankful to have most of the gear necessary to just be outside. I struggle with comparing my running ability to my cycling strengths, or lack of. Something that’s been a constant challenge is learning to be kind to myself as I embark in a new sport, or re introducing a sport I have been inactive in for sometime.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Any tips, tricks or words of encouragement are always welcome.
S
Walking the dog
My dad practicing walking the dog YEARS before I adopted Juniper. All that practice has come to good use for when his granddoggie comes to visit while I’m out of town.
Photo taken October 13th 2010
I woke up Monday morning with a thirst I couldn't seem to quench. I was hungry, but for what? I wanted something filling, and fulfilling. Sunday I spent most of my day running in the San Gabriel Mountains with friends, 22 miles with over 6 thousand in vertical feet gained. We were determined to enjoy the last of the dry weather as there was a huge storm approaching, hopefully bringing the dry California mountains some snow at last.
Back to food, what my life revolves around. I had struggled to prepare anything for dinner the night before due to lack of groceries and this morning I found myself on the same struggle train. The only thing I had all the ingredients for was, coincidentally enough, what my body was pulling for- PANCAKES. Normally I don't keep any sweets or treats in my apartment- because Sawna likes to snack hard. With pancakes I like to see it as fueling my body for recovery. You can adjust them to your taste buds but for the most part it's my healthy version of my childhood favorite breakfast!
INGREDIENTS
OPTIONAL
INSTURCTIONS
NOTES
ENJOY!
